What makes you happy ?

A reflection about happiness in everyday life

This morning, while showering, I had one of those reflective moments thinking about what truly makes me happy today. It wasn’t a casual thought; it’s been brewing in my mind for a while, especially after a rough year. Last year felt like a never-ending battle work stress, family responsibilities, and neglecting my own self-care.

I hit a point where I knew I had to figure things out. So, I worked hard to rediscover my happiness, and I’d like to share some of what I learned along the way. I’m not an expert, but maybe these thoughts will get you thinking too. If nothing else, I hope it’s a conversation starter.

1. Take Care of Yourself First

It all started with this simple truth: you need to take care of yourself before you can take care of others. For the longest time, I had been hyper-focused on other people how they felt, what they needed, how I could help. And you know what? It was overwhelming. I realized in therapy that I was trying to control things completely out of my control, and it was making me miserable.

The reality is, you can’t always make people feel better. That’s not your job. People need to find their own happiness. You can support them, sure but you’re not responsible for their well-being, and trying to be will only burn you out. Plus, wouldn’t it be better if people felt good because they’ve worked through things themselves, rather than depending on you?

This was a huge mindset shift for me. Once I started putting myself first, everything else started falling into place. It wasn’t selfish it was survival. You can’t pour from an empty cup.

2. Dream Big, but Dream Smart

I’ve always believed in dreaming big. New Year’s Eve is a perfect example everyone sets these lofty goals for the upcoming year, and even if they don’t always achieve them, just having those dreams fills them with optimism and purpose.

But here’s the thing: not all dreams are created equal. Some dreams are out of your control. I could dream about winning the lottery, but let’s be honest, it’s just luck. I can’t do anything about that. On the other hand, if I dream about starting a business or creating something meaningful, that’s different. That’s something I can work toward.

A vibrant scene of someone sitting at a desk in a cozy, creative space, surrounded by vision boards, sketches, and notes. The desk is cluttered with ambitious ideas--blueprints, books, and plans--yet there’s a sense of clarity and focus in the room. Through a large window, a city skyline or distant horizon stretches out, symbolizing big dreams and endless possibilities. The lighting is warm and optimistic, with golden sunlight streaming in, casting soft shadows on the plans. The figure isn’t fully visible, but you can see their hand writing or sketching, suggesting active planning and goal setting, grounded in practicality and intention. --ar 2:1 --personalize mmjdedw --v 6.1

So yes, dream big but dream smart. Focus on things within your reach. Set goals that you can control, and don’t waste your energy hoping for random outcomes. A big dream doesn’t have to be far-fetched; it just needs to be actionable.

Work to live and not live to work

3. Act in Line with What You Believe

This is one of the hardest lessons I’ve learned, and I still see people struggling with it every day: If your actions don’t match your beliefs, you’re going to be unhappy.

Think about it how many times have you heard someone say, “I don’t like hanging out with so-and-so,” but then they keep spending time with that person? Or they’ll claim they don’t care about material things, but then turn around and splurge on stuff just to impress others. It’s a disconnect. And that disconnect is what breeds frustration.

If you say you value something, your actions should reflect that. Otherwise, you’re lying to yourself. This took me a long time to get right, but once I started acting in alignment with my true values, everything felt more authentic, more real. I felt more at peace with myself.

Know who you are and who you aren’t

Some Final Thoughts

Happiness is a tricky thing. It’s not a destination; it’s something that comes and goes. For me, it boiled down to these three things: putting myself first, dreaming big but staying realistic, and aligning my actions with my beliefs. It’s a work in progress, always.

But enough about me, what about you? What makes you happy? What have you discovered in your own journey to find happiness? Drop your thoughts below, and let’s talk about it.

Please listen to this podcast between Tom HOLLAND and Rich ROLL, at least from 1:05:00.